we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
