wrigley field is MILF paradise
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
