I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
