You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
