I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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