Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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