thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
