After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize