I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
