I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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