Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
