All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
