seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
