So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
