sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
