I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
