I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
