When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
