Nicole vs. Life
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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