Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Terrible idea I love it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
