why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
