You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were destined to go to rehab together
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
