After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
