Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
