Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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