i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
