I like to think it a success when the cops are called
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
