Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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