grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
