this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i love accidental penises.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
