The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
