"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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