Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
