I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
