My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
