They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
