when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
