Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
farters have to be the big spoon...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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