Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
