I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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