i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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