I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
