Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's the barista slut.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
