can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
