Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
