quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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