Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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