the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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