Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
