I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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