My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
