the condom got lost in my hair
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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