I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
