Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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