he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
