How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize