Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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