Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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