im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
