i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
