i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
