i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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