pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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