U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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