Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
