you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize