Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize