I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
