my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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