Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
