Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
