Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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