Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
